TURNING sixty last week came as a bit of a shock to me – I couldn’t quite believe it.
Only because I don’t feel the age at all.
Vanessa says her sex life with Ben is as strong as ever despite her turning 60Credit: vanessafeltzofficial/Instagram
Vanessa has been with partner Ben since 2006Credit: Getty
I am still loving everything I used to like when I was 18, and that includes sex.
I say it time and time again, and no younger person believes me, but you don’t suddenly change into an old person.
You don’t wake up one day, and all of a sudden you’re a different person and you really want to wear elasticated-waist trousers and start using a Stannah lift.
Nothing has changed and that includes my sex life.
Why should it?
My libido hasn’t increased but it hasn’t decreased.
I haven’t noticed a marked decline at all in that department, like I don’t with my appetite for chips or for buying some red stilettos.
It’s just like how people like chocolate, or Frank Sinatra’s music.
If you like it, you like it.
Mine and Ben’s sex life is still the same as when we first got together in 2006.
It’s never got to the point of having to take note of how often we have or haven’t done it.
There’s never been a fallow period at all — and if there were, it really would worry me.
That’s why I am always quite amazed when people say, “Oh yes, we haven’t done it in 18 months.”
I think, “God, wow, that is a long time.” Even if they say two months I think it is a long time.
There is no statutory amount for how many times you should do it.
But for us, I reckon it would be unusual if more than a week went by.
Because what else are you doing that is so important, for goodness sake? As business-woman Caprice Bourret quite rightly said, “How long does it take?”
It’s not the most time-consuming of activities, really, is it?
Even with a sexual athlete like Ben, who is 49, you can still find a little moment in your diary to fit it in.
Sex is one of the greatest things in life, just like food, music or travel. So it’s really a bloody shame if you’re not continuing to enjoy one of life’s great pleasures.
It’s good for physical health, it makes the heart beat faster, and if you join in with enthusiasm it’s physically active as well. Which makes life a hell of a lot better. That’s why sex hasn’t changed at all.
I am the same person as the day before and the day after my birthday, and that’s that.
For me, I am lucky enough to still fancy Ben and I think that is what is important.
I have been with him for 16 years now and when I look at him, there’s always the thought of “Bloody hell, what a marvellous- looking man.”
He looks incredible, in my eyes, and I honestly can’t fake that.
And there’s also the fun we have together.
‘Ben and I will switch it up in the bedroom’
Ben is unexpected — a bit saucy and intriguing — which is what keeps the excitement between us. I’m not saying all of every single minute he keeps me on the edge of my seat waiting to be enthralled. Obviously, that’s not right. But he excites me.
We don’t let things get too familiar, too mushy or wishy-washy.
WhatsApps are very useful for that. Instead of saying, ‘Don’t forget to defrost the chicken’ or, ‘You forgot to take the socks to the dry cleaner, you idiot’, we put something a bit saucy.
It doesn’t have to be obscene, but something a little bit suggestive — implying that sex is on the menu later on.
It’s creating that sexual climate, so there’s a pleasant atmosphere between you.
I don’t think anyone should ever let that go, no matter if you’re 20, 40, 60 or 80.
Ben and I will switch it up in the bedroom, too, instead of always doing the boring tried-and-tested formula.
It might be with what I wear, or what I don’t wear, the room that we’re doing it in, or the position.
Recently I was cooking dinner, and ended up leaving a vegetable trail into the bedroom for him. I was there waiting for him on the bed, in what I hope was an alluring position.
‘I’m all about lingerie’
Other times, I’ve left a note where his toothbrush is, which will read, ”I’m waiting upstairs for you”.
It takes about ten seconds to do. It’s not a big deal, it’s not theatrical or stupid.
And I’ve even bought a single punnet of strawberries, and said we will have dessert in bed tonight.
Obviously be careful of the bed sheets, though.
It’s all about just injecting a little bit of sauciness, which is slightly outside the normal repertoire.
Lots of women like to have sex on holiday. Why? Because they read sexy books on holiday, which inevit-ably put them in the mood for sex.
That’s why the TV drama Bridgerton was such a big hit.
You see them absolutely bonking their socks off, and then you think, ”I wouldn’t mind whatever she’s having.”
You’ve got to have a sexy environment to feel sexy.
Like in the shower, I might say something like, ‘I’ve dropped the soap, can you come and pick it up’.
And I’m all about lingerie as well. It makes you feel sexy, which makes it easier to be sexy.
Whatever it is, these are all devices to get the blood flowing to the inappropriate parts of your anatomy. And don’t underestimate the excellent contribution of scented candlelight.
Because everything looks a little bit sexier and a little bit less defined in candlelight.
It gets the whole thing kicked up a couple of notches.
We don’t hold back on locations, either.
I am quite keen on doing it in a crazy place.
As long as the horses aren’t frightened, nobody is offended or arrested, and you don’t end up in the paper, then I think it’s a good idea.
Any sort of spontaneity is always great.
That’s why I don’t really like to structure it in, either.
That’s the problem with date nights, they’re so orchestrated and there’s a feeling of being sentenced to do them.
You don’t want making love to be obligatory.
Sex is never at the end of the list of priorities either, and why should it be?
Once you’ve done it, you feel an empathetic feeling and affectionate.
The point is to realise when you do want to, and do it.
Not put it off for some other reason.
I’m not any kind of deranged sex maniac, definitely not.
But I think if you are lucky enough to have a partner that you find attractive, then show it.
If you enjoy it, then it’s a damn shame to let it go on to the back burner just because you feel too old.
Additional reporting: Yasmin Harish
The raunchy couple try to have sex across multiple rooms in the houseCredit: Getty
Vanessa says that sex is never at the bottom of her list of prioritiesCredit: Getty
The couple still enjoy date nights togetherCredit: Getty
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